Two Niños

From infertility to two babes at once, this is my life…

Archive for June, 2007

All at once

Posted by Mel on June 26, 2007

The babies are kicking my ass at night.  Which is nice, because all other aspects of my life are stressful right now, so bedtime getting harder reaalllly helps.  Yeah.

So here’s the thing.  During the week, I am home with the babies by myself.  My husband travels for work….every week.  I know, why in sam hell would we do this to ourselves?  It was the only way we could move back to my hometown and be near family, which we desperately needed after the babies came.  Alex being gone during the week is obviously a huge tradeoff to accomplish the above, but his job also affords us opportunities to travel, which is really important to us too.  But, back to the original point, I am here by myself during the week (Monday morning to Thursday night) and it is hard.  I do have help from my family (mainly my mom) – so that makes it doable – but it’s still hard to not have your partner around, to help with the kids, to talk to, to keep you company.  So basically, any given week is in and of itself a bit stressful with him gone.

Well, lately has been even better – we are 1) buying a new house here (we had a contract on our house where we came from, but it fell through…so we are buying this new house AND keeping the old one) 2) trying to organize having our furniture moved from old house to new one, including a garage sale to dump old stuff  3) Alex is on a very crappy project right now and is barely able to call me at night, much less come home when he’s supposed to, so I am going to have to do alot of this move by myself.

So, I’ve been a little stressed out.  It’s weird how things like this always seem to happen at the same time.  The babies must have already inherited my sick sense of humor and have decided to play a little trick on mama with their bedtime antics.  If I wasn’t so tired, I’d be kinda proud of them…


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Back to normal

Posted by Mel on June 20, 2007

When you become a parent, your life changes. Duh, right? It is hard to understand before you have kids just how and to what magnitude your life will change, but suffice to say that your life is forever altered. I was intellectually prepared for this change leading up to the arrival of our twins, but it is impossible to trully prepare. To just be aware that major change is coming I think is the best you can really do. That said, even though I was ‘aware’, it still took me quite a few months to absorb the true nature of the pervasive change my life was undergoing. I always felt like my life was on hold throughout our fertility treatments and then still to a certain extent during my pregnancy. That was probably exacerbated by the fact that I was on some sort of bedrest pretty much my entire pregnancy. Life was whack. So in my mind, I kept thinking I would be back to ‘normal’ after the babies came. I knew life would be very different, but I thought I would be able to get back to ‘normal’. After the babies came, I struggled for a while trying to figure out why I couldn’t seem to find that normal state in my life. Sure, I was able to do some things again (um, like actually walk or sleep or make my own food) but normal never really seemed to present itself. It was weird. I was the same person, yet I wasn’t. I was fundamentally changed and I didn’t quite realize that. I guess I kind of thought I would be me, just me with two babies. Ah, yeah.

Well, I finally realized that I was going to have to figure out a new ‘normal’ for me. When I realized and accepted that, it became much easier. I embraced my new ‘casual’ wardrobe, my lack of showers, and my unsettled, crazy days. I gradually let go of my tv addictions (though I do still miss some of them) and had to do alot of growing up regarding utilizing time wisely with my husband. We no longer have the luxury of allowing fights to occur over trivial things. And it is really cleansing to let go of some of the silly things that used to matter to me that just don’t anymore. Your focus shifts and it feels good to have something more important than YOU to worry about. I appreciate things more now and I think I’m becoming a better person.

So, I guess I am getting back to normal…and this new normal is kind of working for me.

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My little ones

Posted by Mel on June 19, 2007

Over the last couple of weeks, D has become quite a little chatter box. He will attempt many words (as long as they are simple) that you speak to him. Here are the words he is ‘saying’ now (some only once, but he said them!):

– dada – this is by far his favorite word. It is used as a noun, verb, adjective, etc. and it works really great in all situations. He does, however, know that dada is Daddy.

– daddy – a variation on dada but much less utilized

– mama – reserved for moments of deep concentration or agitation. I’m not quite sure he really knows who mama is, but I believe in my heart.

– dog – pronounced “dod” or “dah” – he knows what a dog is. Should I be offended? He loves dogs.

– Uh oh – pronounced “UH…o” (sometimes without the o). But he does say this at appropriate times usually. Like when he hurls his spoon over the side of the high chair…UH…o.

– grandma – prounounced “nannaw”. He certainly knows who grandma is and when you ask him ‘where’s grandma’ he immediately looks to the door or window (if she’s not here).

– hi – prounounced “iiiiiiiii” with the exact intonation that I use when I say it to them. It is a bit freaky that they can mimic you so precisely. I better start watching the @#$#$L’s.

– bye bye – this is a new one. He repeats it, but I don’t think he has said it spontaneously yet when waving bye bye.

– no no – this is a new one too. He is very precise about rounding his lips to get the ‘o’ of no out. Um, maybe he’s heard me say this one too many times?

He has also attempted a few more (like please, more, and thank you) but they have not been said well or often enough to count yet. But it is fun. He is progressing by leaps and bounds and it is amazing to watch.

E is not quite as chatty as D yet, but she has started mimicking alot. Here are some of the funny things she is doing now:

– when you say ‘are you gonna be 1’ and hold up one finger, she will hold up her first finger and smile really big.

– when you are doing the above, if you bend your finger up and down, she will do it back to you.

– if you say ‘no, no’ and shake your finger accordingly, she will start shaking her finger back at you. Today, she was spitting her food at me for like 15 minutes during lunch. I told her ‘no, no’ and shook my finger (somewhat playfully). She started mimicking me, which makes it very hard to be stern, and D started saying ‘no, no’. It was pretty darn funny.

– this one is hard to describe, but if you stick your tongue in and out of your mouth and make noises while you are doing it, she will do the same right back. This one has provided me endless opportunities for laughter. It is just hilarious.

It is fun lately, watching them learn and change. They are definitely developing their own personalities and temperaments. We have had a few (albeit short-lived) temper tantrums already – arched backs and everything. As everyone always says to me (and boy do I love these nuggets of wisdom) – “just wait until they start doing – [insert next developmental milestone here] you are going to have your hands full!!” Um yes, I will – but I’m getting pretty good at juggling.

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What a day

Posted by Mel on June 4, 2007

I have a hard time with unpredictable. I like routines and schedules and I’m the queen of anticipation. I’ve tried to infuse my parenting with routines, schedules, and anticipation (to a reasonable degree) and slowly, but surely, we’ve settled into some pretty good rhythms. As any parent of twins will tell you, the schedule is key. For some moms this may be really annoying, having to feed them on a schedule vs when they tell you they are hungry, etc. But for me, it is very comforting to have a schedule. I like knowing what to expect and when. Over the months our schedule has relaxed into more of a routine, which is still fine. We don’t stick to hard times anymore, but we have a routine flow to our day and the babies know what to expect and so do I.

Now here is the big BUT – it seems like just when we settle into a very workable, highly functional routine, something changes. Just when I think I’ve figured out how to handle certain behaviors and what certain actions mean, something new comes up. These changes were pretty often and pretty major early on. For example, the feeding schedules, the napping schedules, etc. As the babies have gotten older, the magnitude of these changes has lessened. Now they are mostly smaller shifts in their behavior or needs – but still can be disruptive when they happen. This is a very tough part of parenting for me. I can’t recount how many times I’ve said ‘but they didn’t do this yesterday, something must be wrong’. I’ve finally started to learn that they are ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS and are never going to be completely predictable. Just because they drank all of their milk at lunch yesterday does not mean they are going to today. Even when the day has been exactly the same as yesterday. Regardless of how much their environment is regulated, there are going to be unexpected or unanticipated reactions or behaviors. But still – it’s hard for me. Something I’ve never been good at, so a big (forced) learning experience. I’m slowly but surely learning to roll with the punches a little better.

BUT THEN, you have a day like today. Where all hell breaks loose. Things can be rolling along fine for days, weeks, possibly even a couple of months and then you have one of these days. You know, where one baby won’t nap – and when they finally try to, the other wakes up. Where you have eight million things to do during naptime that are really important and time sensitive. Where bedtime, which has been very predictable for a really long time suddenly doesn’t work so well anymore. These days are rough. The sheer occurrance of a day like this is bad enough, but the really bad part is the fear that now all days are going to be like today. The fear of regression can drive you crazy. Sure, a bad day can be just that – A bad day. But, it could also mean that bedtime is going to suck from now on. And I think that is the most stressful part to me – the fear of regression. It generally turns out to be unfounded, but it sure can wreak havoc on my mind.

But, I’m tired, so thoughts of regression be damned. I’m looking forward to tomorrow being a better day…

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