Two Niños

From infertility to two babes at once, this is my life…

Back to normal

Posted by Mel on June 20, 2007

When you become a parent, your life changes. Duh, right? It is hard to understand before you have kids just how and to what magnitude your life will change, but suffice to say that your life is forever altered. I was intellectually prepared for this change leading up to the arrival of our twins, but it is impossible to trully prepare. To just be aware that major change is coming I think is the best you can really do. That said, even though I was ‘aware’, it still took me quite a few months to absorb the true nature of the pervasive change my life was undergoing. I always felt like my life was on hold throughout our fertility treatments and then still to a certain extent during my pregnancy. That was probably exacerbated by the fact that I was on some sort of bedrest pretty much my entire pregnancy. Life was whack. So in my mind, I kept thinking I would be back to ‘normal’ after the babies came. I knew life would be very different, but I thought I would be able to get back to ‘normal’. After the babies came, I struggled for a while trying to figure out why I couldn’t seem to find that normal state in my life. Sure, I was able to do some things again (um, like actually walk or sleep or make my own food) but normal never really seemed to present itself. It was weird. I was the same person, yet I wasn’t. I was fundamentally changed and I didn’t quite realize that. I guess I kind of thought I would be me, just me with two babies. Ah, yeah.

Well, I finally realized that I was going to have to figure out a new ‘normal’ for me. When I realized and accepted that, it became much easier. I embraced my new ‘casual’ wardrobe, my lack of showers, and my unsettled, crazy days. I gradually let go of my tv addictions (though I do still miss some of them) and had to do alot of growing up regarding utilizing time wisely with my husband. We no longer have the luxury of allowing fights to occur over trivial things. And it is really cleansing to let go of some of the silly things that used to matter to me that just don’t anymore. Your focus shifts and it feels good to have something more important than YOU to worry about. I appreciate things more now and I think I’m becoming a better person.

So, I guess I am getting back to normal…and this new normal is kind of working for me.

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