Two Niños

From infertility to two babes at once, this is my life…

So, so

Posted by Mel on July 5, 2007

I’m so bored, so lonely, yet I don’t feel like doing anything. I seem to be severely lacking in the energy department as of late. And when I don’t have deadlines looming before me, it is even worse. I’ve always been this way to a degree – I function much better when I am busy and have hard commitments – but it has gotten way out of hand. The energy problem is a bit confusing – I can’t tell for sure if it is a) physiological b) mental or c) just laziness. I think it is probably a combination of the three, weighing a little more heavily on the a and b side.

But, back to the bored and lonely. Alex left for work today (meaning he got up at 4am to catch a flight to his client site) and he won’t be back until next Thursday. Aaaggghh. That is really no good. He normally travels Monday morning through Thursday evening, but they are having problems with his project, they really need him over the weekend, blah, blah, blah. Bottom line – I’m here alone with two (almost) one-year old twins for seven days straight – in the midst of trying to get our new house ready to move into, get all of our crap packed and ready to move from our rental, and plan some sort of birthday shindig for the babies. And yes, all of that sucks, but I do have help from my family which makes it doable. But the bored and lonely, they can’t really help with. I miss having my husband around in the evenings. And I’m too tired at the end of the day to really do anything productive. And I don’t have cable so there isn’t much in the way of mind-numbing tv to while away the time. Man, I’m whiney. Poor, poor me.

But I really do miss my husband. Him travelling is hard and the jury is still out on whether or not this is doable long-term. I like the benefits that come with this job – we get to do some travelling by combining his work trips with personal ones (defrays some costs since he is there for work), he is home for three days out of the week and actually gets to be with us for those three days (he is officially working from home on Fridays, but it is very flexible so he helps during the day), and we get to live in my hometown, with all of my family around. These are big benefits for us and are worth this travelling situation, so far. But really, the hardest thing for me at this point is not having him here for me. Yes, it would be nice to have him here to help with the babies in the evenings, but that is manageable and not too bad, really. Mainly, I miss his company and our interaction. I miss us.

So off I go to try to entertain myself until I’ve wound down enough to go to bed. Endless google searches, here I come…


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